I feel as if my blog has been the least of my priorities in the Grand Scheme of Things...
This was the starting point after all & so much has happened that I have not made time to mention.
In part this has been due to being preoccupied with all the positive stuff that has been going on. But it is also as I had a mini-meltdown at the Drs the other day. As in spite of the silver linings, there is no escaping the fact that my life has changed beyond recognition...
I've been dealing with this primarily by immersing myself online & social networking. Trying to be proactive, as I really am not one for inactivity. But it's been a lot tougher than I thought.
Not the actual learning something new ~ no sir, it's the 'soul searching' I've been promoted to do.
Well ~ Lloyd Dodson AKA 'Bigg' has brought more of my demons to the surface this last few weeks, than 20+ years of psychoanalysis & self-help. I was going to follow up on Facebook about this, but as they have just put a 'restricted' use on my profile, I thought it was time to come back here.
A few weeks ago, I went live on Facebook ~ This was part of an exercise to tell our story & promote ourselves in relation to bonding with our group, audience & potential clients. The Idea was to not simply do one, as I did, but to do a 100 day challenge. In theory by the end of that, vlogging would be second nature.
Hurdle no 1 ~ I struggle to talk live in enclosed meetings online ~ let alone live to the public at large! A fact those who know me in person, find hard to believe as I've got medals for the amount I talk!!! No seriously, I've chaired meetings, organised events, raised funds & been one of the driving forces behind The Friends of Talbot Primary School Association since its concept stage in 2005 ~ I could talk about the charity, I could tell others how funds are raised & spent. But I don't shout about my skills & talents. Infact I don't think I've even really seen them...
You see I think I've seen myself as being 'just mum' and I've done these things, as it's what mums do when they have young children in school. There is nothing special about that. But being signed off my day job, learning to delegate more with the The Friends plus listening to 'Bigg', has made me realise that my confidence was in being 'mum' & because I don't feel like I'm being a very good mum at the moment, my confidence has bottomed out.
Hurdle no 2 ~ Building confidence in what I am still able to do, when those who mean the most to me are so dead against it... I know I will never be my 'normal' self again, regardless of how much they want me to be, no matter how much I rest, do my physio or neurophysio ~ I want to move forward, as best I can in limbo, I have enough of my own fears & doubts to carry on my shoulders... I'm just not strong enough to carry theirs too...
Hurdle no 3 ~ Time management, priorities plus financial commitments. Well that is something I can do; to focus, to plan and get it all down in writing as I organise my day to achieve all the tasks ahead of me.
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