Well if you've been following my blog you'd be aware of my journey into this unknown cyber territory.Well I've been having a wail of a time & it's probably a good thing that I don't have a pot to p1$$ in!!!
Had I the money I would have invested in an affiliate programme & not really be following my guru Tony Robbins advice. "Surround yourself with like minded people"
It is assumed that we aspire to be just like them ~ but in a honesty do I want to be just like them?
But I don't want to sell my soul to the Devil to achieve it.
Okay so maybe that's being a bit dramatic & I'm sure every system has a lot of genuine people chasing their dreams.
That is the crux of the matter ~ Their dreams.
My dream looks a bit different to theirs & it's taken a little while to redesign my dream; after my original plan obviously didn't fit in with the Grand Scheme of Things
I still have
Do you notice how I don't mention anything physical or tangible in relation to my physical being?
For years I've lived detached from a body that I couldn't rely on. That's a frightening place to be in.Waking up everyday in pain & not knowing what you'll be able to do today. Not making plans: as you've felt bad in the past when you've let people down ~ That's where I was at in 2008/9 I was an emotional mess. The song "....you left me, just when I needed you most" can't recall the name of the song or who sings it. It's just those lyrics playing round in my head!
Fast forward; my husband & I have resolved our differences, I have. worked hard to fully recover & been in remission for several years. Things looked rosy our long awaited extension had started to be built... we were getting on much better... I was working part time... I was building up a modest client base for my Holistic Therapy Practice... His business appeared to be doing well... Then the whole house of cards came tumbling down.
Lies..! 21 years built on lies ~ the truth hurts, I do not know what pathological disorder he has, I'm not a psychiatrist, but he definitely has some kind of personality disorder.
I've kind of got my head around it now, as I can see it's some kind of mental health issue; even if I'm. not qualified to diagnose it! I cannot say he has NPD but he has a lot of the markers. The reason why I query it, is I'm unsure how much is innate in him & how much is learnt behavior... Say no more...
The reason why I cannot follow all the advice to stay away, is the simple fact that he is the father of our four children & I would never knowingly do anything that could hurt them.
Back story over...
Where I'm at now? Is in a further relapse to the one I experienced in the summer "16, when I discovered the full extent of the deceit...
I've lost control of my body
I've all but lost my home (just waiting to sign the contracts)
I've lost my holistic therapy business
I've lost my MDSA job (or at least it's on the cards as I've been signed off for almost half a year)
I've lost my routine & social life
I'm struggling to keep on top of being a Chair of the Trustees for The Friends of Talbot Primary School.
I've lost my energy
I'm living on sheer Spirit at the mo & in fact it's a good job I'm a raving hippy at heart as it saved my life (that's for another blog post)
So you see as I'm writing this on my phone whilst laying on an airbed with my beloved dog protecting my feet ~ I really do not have a pot to p1$$ in.
But I have a whole lot of love & experience to share with the mad hatters who like me & follow me.
I'm going to share what I've learnt, in this not so frightening world now I've met lovely people who are genuinely on my wavelength.
God bless you all